WE CAN MAKE IT IF WE RUN

wineandpop:

Well, Guys, We Messed Up: Rihanna & Chris Brown
I: The Incident
“On Sunday February 8, 2009 at 0025 hours, Brown was driving a vehicle with Robyn F. as the front passenger…When he could not force her to exit, he took his right hand and shoved her head against the passenger window…he punched her in the left eye…continued to punch her in the face…The assault caused Robyn F.’s mouth to fill with blood and blood to splatter all over her clothing…”You just did the stupidest thing ever! Now I’m really going to kill you!” Brown resumed punching Robyn F…continued to punch…bit her on her left ear…causing her to be unable to breath and begin to lose consciousness…bit her left ring and middle fingers…continued to punch her…continued to punch her.”
I thought it would be appropriate to begin with the exact details of the matter. While most everyone knows that Chris Brown beat Rihanna one night, they may not know the extent to which he hurt her. Women, of course, are battered all the time by their significant others. Rihanna’s case is unfortunately not unique; it is simply a case involving two celebrities. Whereas this horrific incident could have been utilized in some manner as a lesson to young women in similar situations, or an example to show that though men have long been seen as the more aggressive of the sexes these incidents cannot and will not be allowed, we failed. Through this incident, less than three years later, we have taught the young women and men in society that this behavior can be forgiven, even accepted. Worse than that, the one responsible for these deplorable acts can be portrayed as a victim.
Don’t believe me? Look no further than Buzzfeed’s collection of 25 tweets where young women claim “Chris Brown can beat them anytime” and various incredulous quotes of this nature. Look at the comments on the HelloGiggles article decrying Brown’s Grammy performance, where various women stick up for the singer. Or just watch the video for his popular song “Yeah 3x” and scroll down to one of the top comments: “This beat hits harder than he did with rihanna”.
Unlike many in the entertainment criticism industry I do not wish to decry Brown’s Grammy performance or win for anything besides that fact that his music isn’t that good. The issue is not that a man is being given a second chance. The issue that is being ruthlessly ignored is that he never lost his first chance at all. Chris Brown was never properly condemned for the opening paragraph of this article in the public eye. Usher once attempted to tell Brown that he should show more remorse. Usher quickly apologized. Yes, he was forced to apologize to the man that forced a young woman’s mouth to fill with blood because the public liked Chris Brown too darn much.
II: The Reunion
Now we arrive at present day. There are rumors that the couple is getting back together. At the very least, they have released two collaborative songs. There has been more outrage aimed at Rihanna for getting back together with Brown then there ever was towards Chris Brown for attacking her in the first place. People are calling Rihanna dumb, and insinuating that perhaps she deserves it if she’s reuniting with him. What the public fails to understand is that “women staying with abusive partners” is a well-documented psychological problem. The reasons are endless, from fear of greater assault to fear of the abusive partner’s suicide. But as many have discovered, including psychologist Satoshi Kanazawa in Psychology Today, is that a main reason women stay is because they believe they love the man. Perhaps they actually do.
The easy response to this is the roll of one’s eyes. Why would Rihanna think Chris Brown loved her after that? An anonymous women writing into The Guardian didn’t roll her eyes when this issue afflicted her daughter, however. She was troubled and worried; as any one of you would be were this to happen to your friend or family member.
It can be easy to forget that though celebrities have record contracts and millions of dollars and yachts and all that, they also still suffer from very real problems. Celebrities can be diagnosed with cancer. They can, as is well know, become addicts. They can even suffer from psychological problems that lead them to return to a man who mercilessly beat them.
However, another important thing to remember is that we really have no idea. Even if we were friends with Rihanna, we would have no way of knowing what was going on in her head. Rihanna isn’t the point. This article isn’t about Rihanna. It’s about the 25 girls who told twitter that they would welcome a beating from Chris Brown.
III: The “Solution”
Solution is in quotes because there is of course no real cure to this ailment. There will always be aggressive men, and there will always be abused women. There will always be abused men, abused children, abused elderly, etc. We cannot hope to end all of this suffering. What we can do is stop taking steps in the wrong direction.
The largest issue that has been raised concerning the Chris Brown/Rihanna ordeal is the way society has morphed and abused the story itself. Rihanna has no obligation to society. She need not be a spokeswoman for abuse victims, nor is she required to stay away from Chris Brown. The issue isn’t with Rihanna, it’s with the rest of us.
The HelloGiggles article mentioned previously contains a quote from the executive producer of the Grammys, Ken Ehrlich:
“We’re glad to have him back. I think people deserve a second chance, you know. If you’ll note, he has not been on the Grammys for the past few years and it may have taken us a while to kind of get over the fact that we were the victim of what happened.”
The HG article goes into detail regarding how horrendous this comment is, though it almost seems too polite. Ehrlich’s tone in saying “If you’ll note” is so full of misguided righteousness. Society seems to think that shaking their head at the picture of a battered Rihanna and making Brown skip a few Grammys was punishment enough. We all learned our lesson.
What does this say to the young women who welcome abuse, accept abuse, or find themselves in a relationship they simply can’t escape? Rihanna and Chris Brown’s reunion may to blame for a terrible lesson. You can point your finger and blame her for listening to whatever it is her heart is telling her. That is much easier than pointing your finger at yourself, or at the entirety of society and changing your ways. Listening to Chris Brown’s music is fine, that’s not the issue at hand. The issue is not his continued success or his (two) Grammy performances. The issue is the standing ovation he received.
As the quote from the executive producer shows, Brown’s performance was seen as a comeback, or a second chance. When he completed his routine the audience went crazy for him, because he was finally back. The audience should have applauded, as if for any other performance, and let the show continue. By positioning his return as something long anticipated, we allow the young women and men to continue to accept Brown as he is. You can separate a man from his music. The problem is that in the case of Chris Brown, both are being celebrated.
Earlier today I posted a video of the song “He Hit Me (It Felt Like a Kiss)” jokingly claiming that it was the new Rihanna/Chris Brown collaboration. While this could easily be seen as a cruel joke, I meant it as social satire. Though Phil Spector, the producer of the track, meant the song as documentation of an incident rather than a pro-violence argument, it was a record that captured the way a woman can still love a man who abuses her. We can tell ourselves a song this incredibly misguided would never be popular in today’s world. But as we prove to ourselves with the societal reaction to Rihanna and Chris Brown, we haven’t come that far in 50 years. It almost feels like we’ve regressed into a position where we blame the stupidity of the woman for the continued abuse. For the sake of those twenty-five young women on Twitter, their children, and all the women and men of the world, let’s hope we don’t regress any further.
If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE
Or visit the website: thehotline.org

Well, Guys, We Messed Up: Rihanna & Chris Brown

I: The Incident

“On Sunday February 8, 2009 at 0025 hours, Brown was driving a vehicle with Robyn F. as the front passenger…When he could not force her to exit, he took his right hand and shoved her head against the passenger window…he punched her in the left eye…continued to punch her in the face…The assault caused Robyn F.’s mouth to fill with blood and blood to splatter all over her clothing…”You just did the stupidest thing ever! Now I’m really going to kill you!” Brown resumed punching Robyn F…continued to punch…bit her on her left ear…causing her to be unable to breath and begin to lose consciousness…bit her left ring and middle fingers…continued to punch her…continued to punch her.”

I thought it would be appropriate to begin with the exact details of the matter. While most everyone knows that Chris Brown beat Rihanna one night, they may not know the extent to which he hurt her. Women, of course, are battered all the time by their significant others. Rihanna’s case is unfortunately not unique; it is simply a case involving two celebrities. Whereas this horrific incident could have been utilized in some manner as a lesson to young women in similar situations, or an example to show that though men have long been seen as the more aggressive of the sexes these incidents cannot and will not be allowed, we failed. Through this incident, less than three years later, we have taught the young women and men in society that this behavior can be forgiven, even accepted. Worse than that, the one responsible for these deplorable acts can be portrayed as a victim.

Don’t believe me? Look no further than Buzzfeed’s collection of 25 tweets where young women claim “Chris Brown can beat them anytime” and various incredulous quotes of this nature. Look at the comments on the HelloGiggles article decrying Brown’s Grammy performance, where various women stick up for the singer. Or just watch the video for his popular song “Yeah 3x” and scroll down to one of the top comments: “This beat hits harder than he did with rihanna”.

Unlike many in the entertainment criticism industry I do not wish to decry Brown’s Grammy performance or win for anything besides that fact that his music isn’t that good. The issue is not that a man is being given a second chance. The issue that is being ruthlessly ignored is that he never lost his first chance at all. Chris Brown was never properly condemned for the opening paragraph of this article in the public eye. Usher once attempted to tell Brown that he should show more remorse. Usher quickly apologized. Yes, he was forced to apologize to the man that forced a young woman’s mouth to fill with blood because the public liked Chris Brown too darn much.

II: The Reunion

Now we arrive at present day. There are rumors that the couple is getting back together. At the very least, they have released two collaborative songs. There has been more outrage aimed at Rihanna for getting back together with Brown then there ever was towards Chris Brown for attacking her in the first place. People are calling Rihanna dumb, and insinuating that perhaps she deserves it if she’s reuniting with him. What the public fails to understand is that “women staying with abusive partners” is a well-documented psychological problem. The reasons are endless, from fear of greater assault to fear of the abusive partner’s suicide. But as many have discovered, including psychologist Satoshi Kanazawa in Psychology Today, is that a main reason women stay is because they believe they love the man. Perhaps they actually do.

The easy response to this is the roll of one’s eyes. Why would Rihanna think Chris Brown loved her after that? An anonymous women writing into The Guardian didn’t roll her eyes when this issue afflicted her daughter, however. She was troubled and worried; as any one of you would be were this to happen to your friend or family member.

It can be easy to forget that though celebrities have record contracts and millions of dollars and yachts and all that, they also still suffer from very real problems. Celebrities can be diagnosed with cancer. They can, as is well know, become addicts. They can even suffer from psychological problems that lead them to return to a man who mercilessly beat them.

However, another important thing to remember is that we really have no idea. Even if we were friends with Rihanna, we would have no way of knowing what was going on in her head. Rihanna isn’t the point. This article isn’t about Rihanna. It’s about the 25 girls who told twitter that they would welcome a beating from Chris Brown.

III: The “Solution”

Solution is in quotes because there is of course no real cure to this ailment. There will always be aggressive men, and there will always be abused women. There will always be abused men, abused children, abused elderly, etc. We cannot hope to end all of this suffering. What we can do is stop taking steps in the wrong direction.

The largest issue that has been raised concerning the Chris Brown/Rihanna ordeal is the way society has morphed and abused the story itself. Rihanna has no obligation to society. She need not be a spokeswoman for abuse victims, nor is she required to stay away from Chris Brown. The issue isn’t with Rihanna, it’s with the rest of us.

The HelloGiggles article mentioned previously contains a quote from the executive producer of the Grammys, Ken Ehrlich:

“We’re glad to have him back. I think people deserve a second chance, you know. If you’ll note, he has not been on the Grammys for the past few years and it may have taken us a while to kind of get over the fact that we were the victim of what happened.”

The HG article goes into detail regarding how horrendous this comment is, though it almost seems too polite. Ehrlich’s tone in saying “If you’ll note” is so full of misguided righteousness. Society seems to think that shaking their head at the picture of a battered Rihanna and making Brown skip a few Grammys was punishment enough. We all learned our lesson.

What does this say to the young women who welcome abuse, accept abuse, or find themselves in a relationship they simply can’t escape? Rihanna and Chris Brown’s reunion may to blame for a terrible lesson. You can point your finger and blame her for listening to whatever it is her heart is telling her. That is much easier than pointing your finger at yourself, or at the entirety of society and changing your ways. Listening to Chris Brown’s music is fine, that’s not the issue at hand. The issue is not his continued success or his (two) Grammy performances. The issue is the standing ovation he received.

As the quote from the executive producer shows, Brown’s performance was seen as a comeback, or a second chance. When he completed his routine the audience went crazy for him, because he was finally back. The audience should have applauded, as if for any other performance, and let the show continue. By positioning his return as something long anticipated, we allow the young women and men to continue to accept Brown as he is. You can separate a man from his music. The problem is that in the case of Chris Brown, both are being celebrated.

Earlier today I posted a video of the song “He Hit Me (It Felt Like a Kiss)” jokingly claiming that it was the new Rihanna/Chris Brown collaboration. While this could easily be seen as a cruel joke, I meant it as social satire. Though Phil Spector, the producer of the track, meant the song as documentation of an incident rather than a pro-violence argument, it was a record that captured the way a woman can still love a man who abuses her. We can tell ourselves a song this incredibly misguided would never be popular in today’s world. But as we prove to ourselves with the societal reaction to Rihanna and Chris Brown, we haven’t come that far in 50 years. It almost feels like we’ve regressed into a position where we blame the stupidity of the woman for the continued abuse. For the sake of those twenty-five young women on Twitter, their children, and all the women and men of the world, let’s hope we don’t regress any further.

If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE

Or visit the website: thehotline.org

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